So, in keeping with tradition, here is my mid-year resolution check-in. This year so far has shaken me. I thought that 2019 was a doozy, but 2019 Lea was not prepared for 2020. Wow, on top of a global pandemic, my mental health was in the worst possible state of my life so far. Although the world is awry, I made promises to myself that I intend to keep.
Actually, let's talk about that topic for a second; promise-keeping. I remember crouching next to best friends throughout the past two decades of my life and pinky promising. I remember telling my closest friend my deepest secret in exchange for her own. There is something utterly special about secret-keeping and promise-making. This is a special trait in a person, but have you ever practiced promise-making and promise-keeping with yourself. To be frank, I am the worst at this. I know this about myself. As a child, my feelings and thoughts were invalidated. So, as a young adult, I failed to keep promises to myself. I failed to keep small promises like "I am going to go get a coffee," even though they were fun. I felt guilty for fulfilling that promise because I was unsure that it was what I really wanted.
Resolution-keeping is my practice of promise-keeping.
This year has been pivotal and I don't think I will ever view life in the same way again.
update: I will be graduating in December. I secured an internship at a local community center. my plans to travel to the inland Pacific Northwest for a summer road trip have not yet been canceled yet! I have already grown a lot this year and I am sure that there is more growth to come.
I am here to meet the year 2020 with open arms. I aim to embrace all 2020 has to offer. I have hope that 2020 will treat me kindly.
WORD OF THE YEAR | s p a c e : expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied space for change. space for growth. space for feelings. space for the new. space for the journey. space for the unknown. space for God to work; in me and in others.
INTENTIONS OF THE YEAR | sit with it | sit in the hurt. sit with the pain. sit with the feeling to run, but don't. sit with the heaviness of the journey. sit with the joy. sit with God. sit with grace. gentle | be gentle with my heart. be gentle with others. be gentle with my brain. be gentle with changes in my plans and leaving space for God. stretch | allow me to grow and be moved in ways.
MOMENTS OF THE YEAR | dance it out | movement without a care of what it looks like -- but for the sake of feeling something pacific northwest road trip | adventure. creativity. empowerment.
GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS FOR 2020 | rule of life | I am going to set goals in each of these categories. time - money - power - imagination - community - decision-making IMAGINATION | read hard books | I have six books on my reading list that I want to finish before the end of 2020, as well as, a few books that come out throughout the year.
update: I have been reading, but that list of six books has not been touched. yikes, I need to get on that.
write some more | write blog posts, journaling, papers, applications, or a book.
update: well, I have not been posting as much as on my blog, but I was consistently writing for our school newspaper and writing SO many papers for school. I started my grad school applications, so those are in the works. MONEY | budget | keep track of my budget weekly and monthly. I have an overarching goal of saving $50 a month for an emergency fund and saving for the two trips that I am taking this year.
update: one of the trips that I had planned to go on was canceled due to COVID-19 travel warnings, so I was able to reallocate those funds to prepare for quarantine. we are still planning to go on our pacific northwest trip in August, but who knows! other than that, my savings has not gone as planned.
TIME | run and move | work out each week. running, walking, swimming, or whatever.
update: I am doing really well with this! I have been going on longer and faster runs since quarantine started.
POWER and COMMUNITY | sacrifice | time and money commit to the practice of gleaning — frequently sacrificing opportunities for our own advancement to intentionally create pathways for others. I will continue to serve at the church. I love spending time with my small group!
update: in 2020, I gave my testimony at our youth group. I also told my small group ladies how much I care for them and how much I want to see them overcome their shame and doubt!
DECISION-MAKING | daily dependence | practice active dependence on God through prayer, reflection, and worship.
update: this is an area that I need to improve upon in the last half of the year! this summer, I am going to work on making this a habit and not just a task.
KEEPING RESOLUTIONS IN LIGHT OF COVID-19 |
Keeping promises to yourself shouldn't change because of the worldwide pandemic. However, the focus of the promise can. During COVID-19, you may feel overwhelmed with completing online school, going to work, taking care of children, or any other tasks you may be completing. It is normal to be overwhelmed when the security of your health and income isn't within your hands. It's very difficult to be the best version of yourself when your basic needs aren't being met. Think Maslow's hierarchy of needs here. I think that it is so important to keep small promises to yourself to avoid self-betrayal. You can promise yourself that you will wake up before 10 am or that you will move your body today. Work to keep those small promises. Then, when the chance to take on bigger promises feels do-able you will be able to keep those promises. Refocusing your promise-keeping may actually be healthier during this time. What is worse than failing to meet a bar that you set too high.
Be easy on yourself during this difficult time and be easy on people that you set high expectations for.