A very strange thing happened on Wednesday of this week: my college composition teacher got in front of our class and said a few things about love. I didn't fully process and understand his angle until late that night and I realized how utterly right he was.
He told the class:
"I Love You, but I can tell you I love you because it sounds/feels weird."
"Why is that weird?"
"I see you walk in my class, sit at a desk, and I see your hurt. It's written all over your face and I know your mom didn't tell you she loved you as you left for school this morning. I want to tell you I Love You!"
"I try to make my 'hello' as loving as possible, but it is not the same!"
Then he makes eye contact with a student and says "I Love You"
"Wow, that's weird."
He's right.... it's weird. Why can't people say "I Love You" to hurting people, strangers, or the person they want to tell the most?
That is why people cant say what they want to the most, for the fear of rejection or being seen as crazy for knowing how to tell real love from the allusion of love.
The L word carries a stigmatism around like a backpack. You must only say I love you if you're in a fully committed marriage/relationship and in any other relationship the word is "misused." Don't get me wrong, I associate love with a romantic relationship, but loving someone is not always about passion and romance. Loving someone can be raw, tough, and not at all romantic. Loving a person is loving who they are and the way they do things. Loving everything they do wrong or right. To love is to live, and without love there would be no light. Loving a person is a great privilege; "True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." -Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I can spend a few days with a person and decide whether or not they are going to be easy or hard to love. I am hard to love. I avoid feelings like the plague and often fall too head over heels. I have trust issues. Every relationship I have been in has led to heartbreak, so that has led me to believe I am un-worthy of love, which I know is impossible because I have a loving God and His love is unconditional. I was taught to love hard, passionately, and with no bounds, then my parents split and I had no clue what to believe.
I love loving! Loving people is incredibly fun because no matter how stupid they may act, you will always understand them and no power in the world could stop you. Loving a person is also a great privilege. Love is caring for a delicate heart and trusting yourself enough not to break it, for a broken heart can nearly never be the same.
There is a person I would sacrifice a lot for and I love them, but when the very words approach my lips, I choke them back. I know I can't tell them that I love them because the very moment I say "I Love You" they will leave. I know this person very well and yet hardly at all. This person draws all of my fears, passions, hurts, and experiences out of me for very little in return. This mysterious person plays it safe, they distance themselves, yet they can attract people like bees to honey.
I know this comes from their passionate curiosity in their heart. They tend to my wounds and my deep breakage, for they have been through hell and back. Not a lot of people can say they are a healer of hearts and master of none.
This type of person is toxic to me. They stop the bleeding, they heal my hurt through their wisdom. This person isn't blind to love, but they also believe they are unworthy of this type love and nothing they say can tempt to believe otherwise. I don't have courage to tell them I love them greatly and in no way is it romantic. I am too shy to say what I want to say the most. I am too scared to say something I mean greatly.
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu
P.S This is a journey I walk with every person reading this. I encourage you to call that friend, student, parent, family member and tell them that you love them. I guarantee that your love will not be excused. I will always fear my love for this person. I can encourage you to do the opposite, but I can validate your fear, for it is also my own. Let your love pour out!